predicted, almost to the moment, makes the bitterness and disappointment not the least bit lighter or easier to bear.  what comes next, i can’t begin to imagine. but as it is, it clearly has come to an impasse. what a huge fucking letdown. what a colossol, massive let down. god damn it, my naivete about it–all of it–never ceases to amaze me. why won’t I just roll over and capitulate and get to work being a bitter cynic and save everyone so much time and energy?